Unthinkable talk from 2 LADIES, hehe

So me and friend of mine, we will call her Twinkie, were just talking as we usually do, and thought it might be a funny thing to have a little back and forth on bad sex moments. Some we have heard about, some we have experienced. So here we go.

ME: You know what I hate, "THE CRAM IN" you know when it ain't so ready but they think it is, but it is more like WET NOODLE....HATE IT!

TWINKIE: I hate "THE CRAM IN" also, it's almost as if they think we
won't notice that they are trying to shove a marshmallow into the
keyhole, and then for some reason, they think it might turn us on if
they start slapping us with the wet noodle, as if almost to try and fool
us to think that they intentionally want it to be soft so that they can
slap it around on us...or even worse, is when they make the abrupt
movement from the south to north, and try to shove it in the same
fashion into your mouth but won't make eye contact with you because then
you won't notice!!

ME: OH THE SLAP, hahahahahahha, yes - they are some how telling it to
wake up, WAKE UP! - we are here, we are at the game and it is time to
PLAY! Oh poor noodle. I say NO to MUSH - and that is funny too,
because they, the male, is like NO, I'm Good, I can play, it is just
BLAH, it is just BLAH - WHATEVER DUDE! It really is okay if it can't
happen, be suave about it, keep making out with us, touching us, licking
us, SOMETHING else, PLAY IT OFF MAN, PLAY IT OFF!!! Because we girls
don't think the CRAM is cool at all...EVER!....EVER! HEY Twinkie what about the "LAY
ON" - UGH, I hate this the very most, do some push ups, watch self help
videos, shit watch a regular movie, DO YOU EVER SEE A GUY, WHILE IN THE
ACT, LAY ON THE GIRL? Do you? NO, I don't think so, get up, get off of
me, I want to enjoy this while breathing at the same time, not to
mention the sweat and hot breath you be breathing all up in my face. I'm
not a light weight either but if I'm on top, I keep aware of my weight
and end up alot of times PUTTING SOME HEAVY BURN on the thighs. Can I
get some love, can i get some air, good LORD, GET OFF ME!

TWINKIE: Oh, that is sooo funny...Why do they do that?? WHY?? It's
like when you've fallen asleep, and you wake in the morning to the rock
hard manflower in your back, you are still in the spooning position, and
he thinks your sleeping, and tries to do you from behind while your legs
are closed, they squirm around, all while bruising the crap out of your
back because they are too damned lazy to actually get up and put some
effort into it, the just want to lay in the position and ram you like a
jack rabbit, and then you know what happens...and it's inevitable...they
"ACCIDENTALLY" poke you in the pooper....and the PAIN...OH GOD THE
EXCRUCIATING PAIN!! Do they think that you are just going to sleep
through it?? How would they like it if you went and shoved a rubber
mallet in their exit door with great force?? I don't think they would
think it's all that hot...so why do so many men want to do this??
WHY??

ME: Well I actually like a little morning la la love a dub dub. I call
that a ROCKING MORNING, hahahahahaha. Dude it is like amature night at
your house, with the back stabbing and such, hahahahahha. I like on the
side loving too, DUDE then they can't see the jelly so well,
hahahahahahha, PLUS, PLUS, how could you forget the breath, the morning
breath. Hmmmmm....not so sure where I am going with that, seems like
the older I get the less that bothers me OR maybe I have unconsciously
and involuntarily learned to hold my breath as the other mouth
approaches. Speaking of morning breath - oral sex is definetly a NO, if
teeth have not been brushed, hahahahah - YOU KNOW, you have that sticky,
yucky coat of crap in your mouth and when you place it on a body part,
not of your own, it feels ICKY, I don't even know if i have tried it, but
it just sounds gross.

TWINKIE: Don't get me wrong...I like the morning jive too, but you hit
the nail on the head...I definitely am not down for amature hour when I
first wake up...it's annoying!! I definitely agree with you about the
morning oral festivities...they are definitely off limits with morning
breath...not to mention the crusties that may have formed on him during
the evening...however, if he wants to wake me up giving my delicates a
good lickin...that's fine with me....which brings me to the next thing I
hate....when they go down on you, and they suck but kinda somehow get
their teeth involved!! OOOUUUCCCHIIIIEEE MAAAMMMMAAAA!! How would they
like it if in the middle of a mind blowing, head spinning blow job, I
decided to suck his skin through my teeth?? This has only happened
once, but that's all it takes....I thought he bit my difference clean
off...They definitely need to know what they are doing down there,
otherwise it's as big of a turn on as having forceps shoved in your
direction at the gynocologist office...why don't they get a lesson in
sex ed?? I think this is very important for them to know...it could
actually make or break a relationship!!

ME: hahahahhaha, Crusties, GROSS! Sweaty balls, now that is gross, bad
smell, PERIOD - One reason no oral in morning....well i won't say never,
only because if it is like weekend morning, and you got no worries, then
by all means, get all up in the nasties, I am not real sure why it
matters, BUT IT DOES. Well, funny thing about me and oral, it isn't my
thing. I know, I know, that is weird, BUT there are times, that it is
good to me, when the tongue is ever so light and sweet and there are
fingers and such involved. Everything else, not so good, if you aren't
makeN me squirmy and stuff, STOP WHATCHA DOIN! Cause some just don't
know betta, there is a point where you can actually numb out, I know, I
have been there, not a good place to be. What Twink you don't love the
forceps, hahahahahahah...I DO, hahahahahah...just kidding. The breaking
point for me, is bad foreplay. It is my most favorite thing - good
kissing and touching and sliding and friction and fire and burn - DAMN,
i just made my self aroused, hahahahahaha. BUT FOR REAL, if you can work
me up good, then it is your call on the rest, because that is what makes
me GO! And by Go, I mean "whatever you like...i like what you like".

TWINKIE: Oh..I completely agree!! Foreplay definitely determines
whether your gonna put out like a porn star or not...it's the building
bricks of the sexual appetite!! And the kissing...they have to be good
with the kissing, I know this because I've had my fair share of REALLY
BAD kissers!! I'm talking one that would never open his mouth, he'd
just pout his lips out and move his head from side to side....I HATE
THAT...oooorrrrr...when they are a sloppy wet licker kisser, and they
don't really kiss you, they just open their mouths and lick...WHAT'S THE
POINT OF THAT?? HELLLOOO....I'm not a postage stamp!!! OR THE WORST
IS....when they think they are being all passionate, and end up sucking
your face like a breast pump on an empty breast, and it feels like they
might just suck your crotch right through your mouth...THIS IS
BAD...VERY, VERY BAD!! But if you're lucky enough to find the male that
knows what he's doing....I'm talking Niagra falls in the southern region
of love!! You know what I mean??

ME: KISSING, is so IT for me - if that starts off bad, I just don't
want to go on. OH AND WHEN you do go on, you are like WHY, WHY, WHY????
I don't like spit to be all over my face, i don't like porn tongue, I
don't like when there is no breath time, where they connect to your
mouth and don't do any pull away, or switch up, where the kiss is the
EXACT SAME for the entire time you are at it...OH OH OH, AND WHEN YOU
try to force a switch up or a back off, they just think you are
getting more into it - UGH - bad kissing I hate more than any other
thing I can hate about being intimate with some one. I think kissing is
chemistry, kissing is the begining, kissing gives me the butterflies -
which DAMN is so rare in occurence now - it is like the older one gets,
the less they concentrate on the basics. They figure we're adults now,
we know we are going to get off, kissing is just some bull shit you have
to do to get to the get down. LET ME TELL YOU BOYS, most of the time
when you aren't gettin it, you didn't have it going on at the begining -
and what sometimes happens for yall that get through the cracks, it is
cause you're HOT or the girl NEEDED some real bad, because believe me,
it IS IMPORTANT.

TWINKIE: SAY IT SISTA!!! We should indeed maybe write a do's and
don'ts book for the boys. Sometimes, they fool ya though...you start
kissing, and it's mind blowing, knee knocking good, almost to the point
where you feel they are scratching that spot like a dog has when their
back leg starts twitchin, and you think you are on for a good thing, and
then they start with the gross dirty talk!! Now, don't get me wrong on
this...a little nasty talk is okay with me...but I really don't want some
idiot screaming "Who's your Daddy" in my ear....my daddy is honestly the
last person that I want to think about in this moment, and if I'm
moaning and saying "oh god" this means that I do like the cock
....you don't have to start questioning me about who's cock is the cock
I love, and so on, and so on...or when they start stating the obvious
about what's hard and what's wet, but they are screaming it like animals
that have never had any before...this makes me almost want to throw in
the towel...and with the exception of desperate times of drought, I have
thrown in the towel!! What would you put up with in these desperate
times?? Where do we draw the line???

ME: Nasty talk, hahahahahahha - now you know, that is too funny to me.
I can talk some talk now, but it just isn't as RAW as I would like to
get, hahahahah. Wouldn't that be funny if I said something so nasty
they got freaked out and turned off and there i sit, naked and
embarrassed, hahahahahah. For now I will stick to, harder, faster, yeah
baby, oh YEAH BABY, hahahahahah

TWINKIE: hahahaha...you know though...this is a good point you bring
up!! What if we were to try and pull some o'crap they pull with
us...if the shoe was on the other foot...how would they react?? Like
say I woke up, and wanted some...and just started flapping my boobies at
him in his face while he slept?? Or in the middle of a romping session,
start yelling "Tell mommy what you like!!" Would this turn them
off...or with the boys, is sex...sex?? Do they even care what is
happening, as long as they get to ride the ride??

ME: who can say my little Twinkie....who can say. I think though, we have given our readers plenty to ponder, hahahahahah.


ALL WORDS NOT INTENDED TO HURT OR OFFEND, JUST AN ATTEMP TO GET YOU MUTHAFUCKAS TO SHARE THE THINKING W/YO OTHER HEAD SOMETIMES, HAHAHAHAHAHHA.

More me later, tell me what you think

bye

I LA LA LOVE SpankN dat AZZ!!!!!

I wouldn't call what I like doing a fetish. Fetish leads one to believe that one might be obsessed. Me, not so much obsessed, I would call it more like an involuntary reflex, kind of like the kick your leg does when hit by one of those cute little doctor hammers. As I was saying Reflex, I see butt, i hit butt, plain and simple.

I have never been what you call an azz girl, I think I just like the idea of spanking people. It doesn't even have to be for sexual pleasure. If I think you will be okay with it, I will reach out and spank YOU, hahahahahah. I just like the reactions. FUN w/spankN I say, hehe!!!!

My preferences are over the knee, cupped hand or w/objects - you know whips, paddles and such. Once, you might remember this, Omar, I broke a paddle over your azz, one fine birthday, hehe. You know you loved it.

A while back, I bought me a little pleasure paddle for my personal in the bedroom adventures, and that M#$#erF#$King paddle hurts like HELL. It is kind of like RUBBER, you know RUBBER like the industrial shit your tires are made of. At the store, I thought cool, it feels good on the bottom, I tried it out, on myself, BUT obviously not hard enough. The first time I took azz to tire paddle from someone, I though my azz had been set on fire. I hid paddle. Well until I decided to take it to work, for some reason I must of been unsure of the pain it previouisly caused. You might think, that is weird, taking it to work and all, BUT NO, they understand my love of spanking, hehe - sad isn't? Well, so , I made a little deal with the BIGGEST GUY in our office you know the guy that also is known for having the BIGGEST, most UNPENITRATABLE Buns(infact to his family and friends he is know as THUNDER BUNS, or in our office as Nalgas de Treno)known to man. So the deal was, if I let him hit me once with it, I could hit him 3 times. I thought AWESOME, I thought HELL yeah, I get to lay it on him like a mamma in the 50's, you know beat down style. Well that is all I was thinking bout, not my poor, little, tender, never been abused azz. So I went first. Background on BIG, 6"2', MUSCLE MAN, with BUNS of STEEL who works out ON A DAILY - oh, UGH....that is the background, hahahahahah. So we are excited, it is 9AM and we are ready to do this, Fuck work, let's get spankings. So I begin, I cock my hand back(i said Cock, hahaha) and WHAP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! - He doesn't even flinch. He says, "Did you do it yet?" UGH................... so I do a little paddle to the air, you know like a base ball player getting ready to break WOOD(I said wood, hahahaha). So I HIT again w/great force and furious anger - NOTHING, he says "Is that all you got?" So by this time, I am at a loss, I don't know what to do, there is no back peddling, one more paddle and then it is my azz. So I give it ONE MORE GOOD ONE - he turns, and says "HAHHAHAHAHAH, that was nothing." I am rarely afraid of things, but just to let you know, I WAS SCURRED!!!! It was like I was dieing and my life was passing before my eyes, except I wasn't dieing and it was all my spankings passing before my very eyes....like when my Mom would ask me for my belt, you know those ones from back in the days, cowboyish w/your name on it, all thick and shit. Or when my grandmother, would grab me by my leg(cuz i was trying to run) and just start hitting me with her hand as if she was trying to turn whatever body part that was sticking out, INSIDE. OR that time my brother got me w/the horse whip and I had to KICK his AZZ(he was still small). THEN I remembered all my pleasurable spankings..........nice(you gets no details), hehe - THEN it was time. I leaned over the table, and it was like FOREVER, he just taunted me, him and all my co-workers watching, slobbering, laughing. I knew he wasn't going to take any mercy on me, probably because he told me, "I'M NOT GOING TO TAKE ANY MERCY ON YOU!" He actually cocked his hand back, like he needed to, and SWUNG, like I was a pinata. It was like I felt the PAIN, before it got there, it was like the wind in front of the paddle sent warning, to let me know that this was going to be BAD. HIT!!!!! MY KNEES actually went out on me, I felt like I wanted to come out of my skin, my eyes watered. Everyone was like DAMN! I tried to hold back tears and laugh it off, but that SHIT HURT!!!!!! And he actually said to me "I HELD BACK A LITTLE..." Can you believe if he hadn't, I know I wouldn't like spankN azz anymore that is forsure. BUT, I live another day to SPANK, and one knee wobble is not enough to take this ol'girl down

So spankings, yeah I like them, I will give you one if you ask for it, and I will like it, hehe.

.

More me later
Let me know what you think.

What I got, and can't complain....

Let me just start with this, I am not a complainer....BUT(hahahahahahah), I have been lately. You know how they say it takes 14 days to make something a habit. Well somewhere in, I guess, maybe, the last year, for FOURTEEN DAYS STRAIGHT, I went on some kind of complain'a spree, some hate'a thon, some annoying piety party that I had for myself...AND I DIDN'T EVEN REALIZE. I was swallowed up by the "NORM". HA! YES, I said it, most people complain alot, and some people can't say something without complaining. I know this, because I spend some time giving speeches on positive thinking and "this to will past" talk. Dear friends I am not complaining, I am happy to listen to your stuff, I am simply pointing out how we are a nation of finger pointers, we love to swim in our misery and talk about it. I, before my 14 days, was an optimist, an every cloud has a rainbow kind of girl. Even now, amidst my "nobody knowssssssssssss the troubles I see" song, I TRY, I TRY REAL HARD NOT TO BE THAT PERSON. Complaining has never gotten me anything I like or can use. I hate for some one to feel bad for me, or throw me a bone - it makes me feel LESS THAN.

Part of my positive speech is if you have a more positive attitude about things, and let things slide off your back more, it will get better. One day you will wake up and you won't have much to complain about - one - because you stop swimming in it and two - because you have spent all that time you had to spare(complain time) focused on something more positive.

So what happen to me(complaining statement), I have been trying to think positively but I can't get out of my financial crap hole, you know that big hole, you know that big hole with NO MONEY IN IT - UGH (the longest statement of complaint EVER)! BUT I don't want to be the Norm and so, I fight and I pray and I say, LORD, PLEASE KEEP ME POSITIVE. I think how easy it is to become prisoner to such a dirty habit. Sometimes when you are in it and doing it and doing it all the time, you don't even know. When someone asks me "How I'm doing?" I have to pause, because i don't want to say, "WELL....I hate where I live, I am bored at my job and the money I make is to fix the car I ALREADY paid off - bought extended warranty for, YET IT NEVER seems to apply to ANY thing that needs fixin on my car...go figure, not to mention getting laid has become a RARE event in my life, other than that I AM GREAT!(NO, this is the longest complaint statement EVER)." I also have to try not to make phone calls to my friends that start with the phrase "Guess what happen to me, this time..." OH MAN, i don't want to be that person, you just don't know how it hurts my heart and soul to know that I could be "THAT PERSON". It is not even that bad yet, but I have started to take notice. How can I call my self a positive person now? A HIPPO CRITE(aka hypocrite, Penelope Cruz in Blow style) more like it!

So "What I got....:"

I got my health - I got that
I Have a very supportive and loving family - I got that
I got ROCK ON, can't get NO BETTA friends - I got that
I NEVER feel unloved - I got that
I STILL feel there is NOTHING I CAN'T DO - I got that
I have a cat that is a pain in the ass and expects WAY too much of me and never gets it, but some how still loves me anyway - I got that
I have a great music and jewelry collection, GOOD I tell ya, very proud - I got that
I have a great personality, which is really taking over in my lacking looks department(not a complaint...I promise), hahahahahah - I got that
I got some skills, ranging from being a bad ass Tetris player, to suave clarinet player to a great dancer w/an extensive 80's dance move knowledge(I'm talking prep, whop, cabbage patch, etc.) - I got that
I am incredibly funny - i got that
I make a good salsa and 7 layer bean dip - I got that
I have good hands(not nasty like, you damn nasty punks) massage wise - i got that
I make a good cape cod (2 ingredients, but I know just the right amount of each) - I got that

I got alot to be good and happy about, no room for complaints, right? RIGHT ON!!!! What tha FA was wrong with me, maybe I just needed to talk it out with you fine people. There is absolutely NOTHING to complain about. I'm back babies, positive speaking from this moment on. YOU DIDN'T CLAIM MY SOUL, YOU Negative, Pessimistic, bad feelings and low expectation FREAKS!!!!!

KEEP RAINBOWS ALIVE!!!

more me later
tell me whatcha think

Anything you LOVE can cause you PAIN!

I was sitting with myself the other day thinking...hmmmm....wouldn't the world be GRAND if we could have all the things we love in this world when we wanted, as much as we wanted, regardless of ANYTHING.

Then I started thinking... what do i love - ICE-CREAM! Ice-cream brings me the most joy of all joys. It changes my mood, from whatever to pure happiness. It is so tasty and fulfills any hunger I might have. I think, I could eat it in place of all other things, all day everyday. BUT, BUT, BUT - I CAN'T!!!!! Why you say, no you don't say, because you know I can't. If I eat too much, it will make the tummy hurt. If I ate it all the time, everytime I'm hungry, everytime I need a pick me up, everytime I have a craving - I would BLOW UP. It has to be one of the most fat making things ever. Sure if I didn't care about being a chubby chick, or care about my health, i would totally be two spooning it, BUT how can I not. So say I didn't care about that, I blow-up and no one loves me. Which would put a damper on my second love - MALES! So I have infact proven Love(ice-cream) causes PAIN(obesity leading to ugly leading to NO love).

Do we need more examples. I love boys(over 21 of course), I love men, I love the opposite sex. They are so nice, and pretty and yummy and stuff. They make me happy and they entertain me and they comfort me and they bring me ice-cream and flowers and so much more, sooooooooooooooo much MORE. If I could, and I have tried, I would have as many as I want whenever I want, how ever I want, no matter what. I mean why not right? Options are always good, it prevents boredom, and routine and keeps things exciting and colorful. Who doesn't like that? Also more than one keeps drama to a minimum. If you had a permanent one, but wanted to throw one in to the mix, every now and then, you know, just for a little change, that wouldn't be sooooooo bad. I know you might say, hey, Misty, that is WRONG, it is player, or hater or cheater or adulterer - BUT WAIT, not if you have a love, an appreciation for a person, a boy, a man, the male with all his wonders and splendor, like I do. BUT, NO, NO, NO - you can't do this either - you have feelings to consider, of ALL involved, you have disease and pregnancy to worry about, you have reputation and respect and morals and even MORE. But say I did it anyway. I don't even have time to list the amount of things we could put under the words "PAIN IT WILL CAUSE". I'm sure you can imagine.

Satisfied yet? YOu know it's true. what is that saying - too much of anything good is not good at all or is that too much bad feels good, hahahahha - just kidding. WELL it is true! Maybe I should think of it like that - Ice-cream is bad for you, but having it, alot, anytime I want, feels good to me. Same with boys, they are bad for me, but having them and by having them, I mean....heheheheheh - no for real -having them feels good to me.

Let's embrace that people - LOVE IS BAD, BUT TOO MUCH IS GOOD, hahahahhahahahaha - Is that how I broke it down? Well it is just something to ponder. Not to say I really practice that, what kind of girl do you think I AM? BUT you know, it would be NICE, hehe.

Tell me whatcha think!
More me Later

Honesty Hurt My Ego!

So I have had a "first" for ME, just very recently. A couple of months ago I met someone, and we started up a little thing, it was new and it had potential for something, if but only for FUN.

We had spent some time together in the few months I have known him, in his town, in mine... and it wasn't always such a smooth sail, soooooooo, I thought how can I make this thing, that is NOT running so smooth...SMOOTH? There were "signs", like he was only giving me just enough info about himself, to keep me somewhat interested, but it was NEVER ENOUGH, he put very little effort but at the same time, he was so very sweet and "loving" almost as if he just might like me, hahahahah. So I thought well maybe he just likes to take it slowwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww, and maybe I am just not use to that...and so I continued. It is true, I do love a challenge BUT HE HAD A HUGE WALL UP, and that was getting harder and harder to break through, not to mention FRUSTRATING. But you know how sometimes we do, you continue on with something that is not working, and because of what ever reason(you have no real reason)... you WAIT - for something to mysteriously happen that makes you wonder why you ever thought this wasn't going to work (which never happens). There was even the simple fact that we were JUST NOT CLICKING, BUT because it was new, and he was cute, and he knew absolutely NO ONE I knew(which was kind of exciting in itself), and hey I thought the least that would come out of it, is I would have this NEW person in my life SO, I was down for the journey.

SOooooooooooooooooooooo knowing this, WHAT TO CALL THIS BUDDING FAUXRelationship thingy thing? UGHHHHHHHHHH...well...a, WHO KNOWS, there was so much missing that to call it anything more than a glorified-overnight-weekend-booty call is really being nice. WOW, it really isn't being nice, but DAMN, I didn't know him enough to say we were at least becoming friends, and you know if we weren't at least that, but we were still staying in touch via phone w/the Hi/Hello, What'up, What you going to do... and then the weekend visits, filled w/you know...you know. I don't know what else I COULD call it.


Well let's forward to last week, when I hadn't talked to him in a couple days, and thought HEY, it might be nice to talk this guy I am sort-a-kind-of talking to, ESPECIALLY after we just spent 4 days together. SO I leave him a message "ACTING" like I am mad, in my silly mad acting voice - basically saying how he CHEWS ME UP AND SPITS ME OUT and I don't even get a courtesy call. YOU KNOW, i was TOTALLY being facetious, it is what i do, it is who I am. I honestly don't need to be called on a daily, but I did want to talk to him, and thought I'd leave what I consider a cuteCEE message. WELL, I should of known better, he calls back, talking bout, "got your message, you sound really mad, call me back" (he left this on my voicemail, because I didn't answer the phone). So I listen, and think, DAMN he just does not get me, just like he hasn't got me, the WHOLE time. SO needless to say, he didn't know that was me playing around. So I call him, he starts off w/the "sorrys" and how he really had no excuses for not calling. I kind of joked again about it(still NOT REALLY MAD, still doesn't get it). I even say, I am not mad, I just wanted to talk to ya...

AND THIS IS WHERE THE COOKIE CRUMBLES!
THE AXE FALLS!
OUR TWO WORLDS COLLIDE!
MY EGO TAKES A BEAT DOWN!!!!!!!!!

So he starts w/the I don't want to get hurt, it is not that i don't trust you, but I JUST DON'T WANT TO GET HURT(translation - i don't trust you and I know you will hurt me). Hmmm....which in these few months, he has made no attempts to know if this is something I am capable of. AND if you want to know the truth MR.BOY - any person you choose to talk to, you, ALWAYS run the risk of getting hurt. So I guess to him I would say YES it is possible I could hurt you, and so could falling down a flight of stairs. Maybe that is what I should talk about, how lame the excuse of "getting hurt" is, if you don't risk it, how will you ever know what you could have, why even live, getting hurt SUCKS BIG HAIRY BALLS, but sooooooooooooooooooooooooo - F'ing take a chance , F'ing live those great moments that happen before the HURT. Do you feel me? Can I get an AMEN? AMEN! Okay so we aren't talking bout that now, but that is definitely a blog waiting to be written. So he proceeds to tell me the many things I already knew were a problem and says you know, he just isn't in a good place right now, he is a loner, he doesn't want the obligation of having to call someone, he is sorry for waisting my time, and my favorite - AT LEAST I GOT A FRIEND OUT OF IT! This is great, because I know my friends, I know stuff about them, I know how they react to things, I know THEM, that is why they are my friends - I KNOW ABSOLUTLY NOTHING ABOUT THIS GUY, EXCEPT what he does on a daily basis. THis is how much he put out to me, I call it the WALL - the "I don't want to get hurt" wall - you know the I will never really ever know someone because i am scared to get hurt wall. Which hey COOL, whatever, people have those...hey am I repeating myself, I AM, I know, but that excuse is the WORST COPOUT EVER! I HATE IT and I HATE HIM FOR USING IT ON ME!(not really)

Did I just sort of start bashing him, I REALLY didn't mean it, but that is what happens when you get dumped(and we weren't even together and I was going to do it anyway)you feel like you have to some how CHECK YO SELF, like what is wrong with me, why doesn't he like me. That is how I feel, like WHAT, how dare him not like me, I am pretty much PERFECTION, PERFECTION I SAY!!!! Maybe not according to boys 10 years younger than me....OH did I not mention that, hahahahahhahaha. Well I don't ever think age is an issue, but it might have been in this case. GOSH, it is like I can't stop being mad about it, hahahahahahah.

I MEAN I WAS SOOOOOOOOOOOOO GOING TO LET HIM GO, HOW DARE HE BEAT ME TO THE PUNCH!

It is not like I don't know Rejection, i really do, I have been rejected before, but up front you know. Before there were any exchanges of fluids or words or money, hahahahahahah. AND I am good w/that - but this just seems WRONG, not right, is this bad karma that I am paying for? So does this make me on equal grounds w/the world again? OR is this just the beginning of my punishment. OH PLEASE LORD let it not be. Maybe my ego needed to be taken down a notch, maybe this was a lesson, in soooooooooooooooo many things. BECAUSE BELIEVE ME, you don't even know the half of what i learned w/this one.

HONESTLY, I guess what really gets me, not so much that he did it first(even though that really does get to me)but, I was totally okay w/us being something less complicated, but you know that sweet and loving like quality he had, well HE HAD IT, and you know that is unnecessary in a "NONCOMPLICATED RELATIONSHIP". AND I TOLD HIM THAT AT ONE POINT - so he knew, but WHO KNOWS...maybe I am not so great? NAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA it couldn't be that, hahahahhahaha.

Well that is it the story, so I sit and I wait for that day when my "NEW FRIEND" calls me, you know just to chat it up about, the GOOD TIMES we once shared, hehe.


Oh and I don't hate him for this, really a good guy, I think instead of waiting for that THING to spark for us, he gracefully stepped up and out and much PROPS for that - WOW, because that isn't easy, I am sure it was hard to let me go(hahahahahha). OMG, i think i am starting to love him just thinking about it, hahahahahahahah - JUST KIDDNG! But sure does make me like him a bit more for it - I love when someone is so HONEST(something I obviously was having trouble with)it gets you!

More me later...when I can pick my head up again.

The PERFECT PERSON I could have...

So me and this friend of mine, Jo, were talking about relationships and what we wanted in them. She asked me, so what is your perfect man, what are the qualities you want, how do you want him to look, to act, all of it, crazy or not. So I was thinking what a hard question, but I figure if you know what you don't want it makes it easier. So I think back on all my interactions, connections, experiences and relationships and search my soul for the qualities of a person I MUST have, I would LIKE TO have and things I KNOW I DON'T want. So just for fun I will share. This is not to say that this is what I will get or search for or won't stop till I find, because as we all know, you can not change, mold or make someone EXACTLY the way you want them to be...what fun is that...really??? But just for fun if there was a BUILD A MAN STORE, LORD HELP ME, because I might buy more than one...you know to do different things, hehe!!!!!!

DON'T WANT LIST:

1. Negative, pessimistic - WHY all the ugly, I hate this shit, one of the worst qualities for someone to have.
2. Braggy, Ego-trip, Better-than - WHAT THA FA ass wipe, you aren't better, there will be someone smarter, hotter, and any and everything else better than you - so fucking get over yourself.
3. Lazy - work, we have to work, the rich work, that is how they are rich and those fuckers who get it all handed to them, should work to, it makes you a better person, believe me.
4. Dry-humor - I am very uncomfortable around it, it takes too long to get comfortable with it, and then it is usually someone using comedy to have a reason for being an asshole, hahahah - I amused myself on this one.
5. LIARS - not a necessary trait. I understand it, I have used it, but man, honesty works so much more to your advantage than one might think. I really want to elaborate on this one, but I would have to write a whole new blog, but lying is so apart of who people are - which is not the people you really think they are BECAUSE THEY ARE ALWAYS LYING(DEEP), hahahahah
6. Pride - this destroys relationships in the worse way. Pride are walls people put up, solid enough so you can't get through and just high enough so that you can get a glimpse. it is a quality I once carried like a sign, NOT WORTH IT.
7. Stank Ass - hygiene is really a priority, people aren't lying when they say this, bad breath, smelly Chorizo con juevos(crotch area for the non Spanish speakers, ahhahahaha), greasy hair, dirty ears, hey ashy elbows and knees is nothing to look at either, keep the jungle more like a nice playground (I think you know what I am saying. I am not saying I have had to deal much with these qualities but I know of them, and this is nothing nice. Now isn't this an interesting trait you never want to be told you have, hahahhaa.

I am sure there are more things I don't like, but these are the main NO NO's for me! No never again, No not again, NO, NO, NO - I will not, can not deal with these things EVER AGAIN.


Things I NEED to have in my partner of LOVE, hahaha.

1. Safety - I am very independent, it is carved in my soul. I would like to think that I don't need anyone to take care of me ANY KIND OF WAY. But when I finally let go of all that, I NEED to know, that there is a person that can back me up, in every manner, physically, mentally, financially, spiritually.
2. Humor - laughs get me through life, it is a necessity to me, like breath.
3. Space - let me explain - I need alone time more than one can imagine, I just like spending quality with myself, it gets me centered. I can't be smothered, I need to be able to do my own thing, I want my person to have their own thing - you get me - I want us to appreciate eachother, and too much of eachother is too much! I think I have made myself clear.
4. MUSIC LOVE - I know this is weird, but between breathing and laughing there is only MUSIC. Someone who loves it, talks it, willing to sit in music stores with me hours upon hours is the ONE.
5. Affection - don't get confused w/me needing the space, cold I am not, I love to be loved on, groped on, kissed, hugged, all that, all that - hand holding, wrestling, rub-ups, dry humps, hahahahah - YUP I am not scured to say it, I love all that.
6. Communication - how can I not say it enough, I would rather not run-it in my head till it hurts or I have made up the worst thing it could be or even worse, running it across each and every friend I have trying to figure it out. Also, if you need, want, or have something to say, just say it! it really is this simple.
7. Confidence/Cocky/Macho - okay now there must be just the right amount of this, not too much, not too little, but just right, hahahahah - I want someone who has there own opinion, they won't let me walk all over them (well you know, it happens),
they are sure of themselves and do not question who they are or what they can do.
8. Goals - someone who has a plan, is a man - a MAN With a PLAN, right on.
9. KID-LIKE Qualities - another word I have pulled out the rear and shoved on a page - this is pretty much an all about me and who I am quality I like in someone, I have HUGE tendencies to act like a kid, but not like wanting my way or crying about shit, the good, fun stuff, I love to play around, go to Chucky Chesse, climb trees, get on the floor and color and play games, whatever kids like to do besides put anything they get a hold of in there mouth, I like - it is my most innocent quality that I am glad to not have grown out of. It would be the BOMB to have this with someone else, can you imagine the fun.
10. Good Heart - always good intentions, love for the people and the animals, I would like to include spirituality in there, very important to me.
11. Family oriented - I wanted to end on an even number, but I can't forget this, this is VERY IMPORTANT to me, family is all we have, and if you lack this quality, you can jump on my family wagon but if you don't have it in your heart, then BYE BYE.

There are physical traits I would like to put on this list, but the better part of me is saying DON'T DO IT, hahahhahaha - so we will save that for a different day.


Things I would like to HAVE that I have either seen, experienced at one moment or I think would just be nice.
1. "THE ONLY QUALITY" - this is a very rare quality someone has, but I have experienced it, it is the feeling of someone making you feel like you are the only one around, there is no one else there. NO ONE ELSE. It is hard to do, it is amazing to me, because you know when you are somewhere with someone, how hard it is not to look around, or go off and mingle w/others. This quality is so rare, the person that possesses it, can move around a room and talk to others and you know they only see you, you can feel there vibes where ever you are at. LOVE THIS!!!
2. Sugar - not sure what I would call this. When people remember things you say, really remember, things as small as your love of ice-cream and the happiness it brings to you, so they offer to take you to get one when you are sad. Or when someone leaves you a little note that says, I am thinking of you, just for no damn reason. A call or email that says you are on my mind, and I wanted to say HI. Cute stuff, gets me, but genuine, not someone over doing it, things that pop up unexpectedly.
3. Hair play - not nasty people, I love my hair played with, but with skill, not just anyone can do this, believe me, if you suck just don't do it, hands off the hair buddy, hahahahah.
4. HOT - I could not go with out placing one reference to physical appearance - you see also, not a necessity, but it would be nice - easy on the eyes, easy on the hips, is that the saying, hahahahhahahaha
5. Genius - this would be superfantastic to have a HOT GENIUS w/a big BEEP, hahahhahahaha - WOO HOO, I got jokes - I did just realize I forgot to put STUPID under DON'T WANT and a BRAIN under MUST HAVE, so there - intelligence is necessary but being a genius would just be BONUS.

There is more, there is always more, but hey now wasn't this fun. Now go off and find your girl someone to love, hahahahha. Just kidding the fun is in the finding. And getting nothing you asked for is even more interesting. It is finding the perfect mix, getting a little of what you want and maybe a little of what you don't but hey if he has OTHER things going, you will learn to LOVE, hahahahah - I just am not right. NOT RIGHT.

more me later

To Date or Not to Date

So this weekend I was talking to a good friend of mine. We were talking about life and what not, basically just catching up on eachothers life from where we left off, you know how it goes. Well we started talking about dating. Of course he is not, engaged and all as he is. Me on the other hand, clueless to the word and what it means. I was in a relationship for as long as I can remember and anything before or after does little to resemble a "date-like" situation. We were laughing because I didn't realize that I have never really DATED until recently.

See recently one of our clients at work, sort of asked me out, very suave, I didn't even actually realize that was what was going on, and before I knew it, I was sending my number along with the company invoice, hahahha. Well long story short, he called, I didn't call back. So the next day at work, via email, I apologized for being a flake and he asked me to dinner. Again I said I had plans, because I did, and he left it in my hands. So I discussed this among my peeps at work and besides given me a hard time, and asking me to take one for the team - Jackie was like just go out on a date, it can't hurt. AND there it was - the word - DATE - WHAT? I don't know what that is all about. Then Kevin was like haven't you dated? You had to have dated? So I thought and thought, and was like NO, NEVER!!! We didn't do that. What do you mean yall didn't do that? What about in High School or College? NOPE NEVER!! So what did yall do, Kevin had to know, so inquisitive he is. We just hooked up, you met someone, at a club, party or whatever and smooched it up, and either continued to do that everytime you saw eachother or not. You might start going out a bit after that but it NEVER began with a date - it was just how it happened in my town, in my circles or maybe it is my culture - maybe us Mexicans don't date, we just hook up, get it on, and worry if you are hungry later, hahahhaha. So is this cultural? I do think back to one guy in high school, we met through my cousin Javier, and he took me to the zoo once, then to the park once, and I think maybe to eat once - WELL that whole situation was so dammmmmmmmmmnnnn nerve racking for me, because he never kissed me, I was like I can't handle it. So I stopped with the "dating" right then and there. The pressure was too extreme, all I kept thinking was, what if he finally kisses me, after all these damn dates and I start to really like him, and it is just horrific, gross, his breath stinks and his spit runs like a river - WHAT WOULD I DO THEN!!!????? I hate a bad kiss.

So maybe this is why dating is too weird for me.

But on the other hand am I being HO-ish? I DON'T mean it in the way, I need to get down and make love tonight, but I just rather have a taste of what is to come up front. There can't be anything wrong with that, can there? Will I never get dinner and a movie with this attitude? Am I ruined or tainted w/the wrong ideas? Help people, is it just me who is freaked about dating? Can I still learn? Is there a book for this problem? Is it a problem...


more me later
me