Wednesday, December 05, 2007

Unthinkable talk from 2 LADIES, hehe

So me and friend of mine, we will call her Twinkie, were just talking as we usually do, and thought it might be a funny thing to have a little back and forth on bad sex moments. Some we have heard about, some we have experienced. So here we go.

ME: You know what I hate, "THE CRAM IN" you know when it ain't so ready but they think it is, but it is more like WET NOODLE....HATE IT!

TWINKIE: I hate "THE CRAM IN" also, it's almost as if they think we
won't notice that they are trying to shove a marshmallow into the
keyhole, and then for some reason, they think it might turn us on if
they start slapping us with the wet noodle, as if almost to try and fool
us to think that they intentionally want it to be soft so that they can
slap it around on us...or even worse, is when they make the abrupt
movement from the south to north, and try to shove it in the same
fashion into your mouth but won't make eye contact with you because then
you won't notice!!

ME: OH THE SLAP, hahahahahahha, yes - they are some how telling it to
wake up, WAKE UP! - we are here, we are at the game and it is time to
PLAY! Oh poor noodle. I say NO to MUSH - and that is funny too,
because they, the male, is like NO, I'm Good, I can play, it is just
BLAH, it is just BLAH - WHATEVER DUDE! It really is okay if it can't
happen, be suave about it, keep making out with us, touching us, licking
us, SOMETHING else, PLAY IT OFF MAN, PLAY IT OFF!!! Because we girls
don't think the CRAM is cool at all...EVER!....EVER! HEY Twinkie what about the "LAY
ON" - UGH, I hate this the very most, do some push ups, watch self help
videos, shit watch a regular movie, DO YOU EVER SEE A GUY, WHILE IN THE
ACT, LAY ON THE GIRL? Do you? NO, I don't think so, get up, get off of
me, I want to enjoy this while breathing at the same time, not to
mention the sweat and hot breath you be breathing all up in my face. I'm
not a light weight either but if I'm on top, I keep aware of my weight
and end up alot of times PUTTING SOME HEAVY BURN on the thighs. Can I
get some love, can i get some air, good LORD, GET OFF ME!

TWINKIE: Oh, that is sooo funny...Why do they do that?? WHY?? It's
like when you've fallen asleep, and you wake in the morning to the rock
hard manflower in your back, you are still in the spooning position, and
he thinks your sleeping, and tries to do you from behind while your legs
are closed, they squirm around, all while bruising the crap out of your
back because they are too damned lazy to actually get up and put some
effort into it, the just want to lay in the position and ram you like a
jack rabbit, and then you know what happens...and it's inevitable...they
"ACCIDENTALLY" poke you in the pooper....and the PAIN...OH GOD THE
EXCRUCIATING PAIN!! Do they think that you are just going to sleep
through it?? How would they like it if you went and shoved a rubber
mallet in their exit door with great force?? I don't think they would
think it's all that why do so many men want to do this??

ME: Well I actually like a little morning la la love a dub dub. I call
that a ROCKING MORNING, hahahahahaha. Dude it is like amature night at
your house, with the back stabbing and such, hahahahahha. I like on the
side loving too, DUDE then they can't see the jelly so well,
hahahahahahha, PLUS, PLUS, how could you forget the breath, the morning
breath. Hmmmmm....not so sure where I am going with that, seems like
the older I get the less that bothers me OR maybe I have unconsciously
and involuntarily learned to hold my breath as the other mouth
approaches. Speaking of morning breath - oral sex is definetly a NO, if
teeth have not been brushed, hahahahah - YOU KNOW, you have that sticky,
yucky coat of crap in your mouth and when you place it on a body part,
not of your own, it feels ICKY, I don't even know if i have tried it, but
it just sounds gross.

TWINKIE: Don't get me wrong...I like the morning jive too, but you hit
the nail on the head...I definitely am not down for amature hour when I
first wake's annoying!! I definitely agree with you about the
morning oral festivities...they are definitely off limits with morning
breath...not to mention the crusties that may have formed on him during
the evening...however, if he wants to wake me up giving my delicates a
good lickin...that's fine with me....which brings me to the next thing I
hate....when they go down on you, and they suck but kinda somehow get
their teeth involved!! OOOUUUCCCHIIIIEEE MAAAMMMMAAAA!! How would they
like it if in the middle of a mind blowing, head spinning blow job, I
decided to suck his skin through my teeth?? This has only happened
once, but that's all it takes....I thought he bit my difference clean
off...They definitely need to know what they are doing down there,
otherwise it's as big of a turn on as having forceps shoved in your
direction at the gynocologist office...why don't they get a lesson in
sex ed?? I think this is very important for them to could
actually make or break a relationship!!

ME: hahahahhaha, Crusties, GROSS! Sweaty balls, now that is gross, bad
smell, PERIOD - One reason no oral in morning....well i won't say never,
only because if it is like weekend morning, and you got no worries, then
by all means, get all up in the nasties, I am not real sure why it
matters, BUT IT DOES. Well, funny thing about me and oral, it isn't my
thing. I know, I know, that is weird, BUT there are times, that it is
good to me, when the tongue is ever so light and sweet and there are
fingers and such involved. Everything else, not so good, if you aren't
makeN me squirmy and stuff, STOP WHATCHA DOIN! Cause some just don't
know betta, there is a point where you can actually numb out, I know, I
have been there, not a good place to be. What Twink you don't love the
forceps, hahahahahahah...I DO, hahahahahah...just kidding. The breaking
point for me, is bad foreplay. It is my most favorite thing - good
kissing and touching and sliding and friction and fire and burn - DAMN,
i just made my self aroused, hahahahahaha. BUT FOR REAL, if you can work
me up good, then it is your call on the rest, because that is what makes
me GO! And by Go, I mean "whatever you like...i like what you like".

TWINKIE: Oh..I completely agree!! Foreplay definitely determines
whether your gonna put out like a porn star or's the building
bricks of the sexual appetite!! And the kissing...they have to be good
with the kissing, I know this because I've had my fair share of REALLY
BAD kissers!! I'm talking one that would never open his mouth, he'd
just pout his lips out and move his head from side to side....I HATE
THAT...oooorrrrr...when they are a sloppy wet licker kisser, and they
don't really kiss you, they just open their mouths and lick...WHAT'S THE
POINT OF THAT?? HELLLOOO....I'm not a postage stamp!!! OR THE WORST
IS....when they think they are being all passionate, and end up sucking
your face like a breast pump on an empty breast, and it feels like they
might just suck your crotch right through your mouth...THIS IS
BAD...VERY, VERY BAD!! But if you're lucky enough to find the male that
knows what he's doing....I'm talking Niagra falls in the southern region
of love!! You know what I mean??

ME: KISSING, is so IT for me - if that starts off bad, I just don't
want to go on. OH AND WHEN you do go on, you are like WHY, WHY, WHY????
I don't like spit to be all over my face, i don't like porn tongue, I
don't like when there is no breath time, where they connect to your
mouth and don't do any pull away, or switch up, where the kiss is the
EXACT SAME for the entire time you are at it...OH OH OH, AND WHEN YOU
try to force a switch up or a back off, they just think you are
getting more into it - UGH - bad kissing I hate more than any other
thing I can hate about being intimate with some one. I think kissing is
chemistry, kissing is the begining, kissing gives me the butterflies -
which DAMN is so rare in occurence now - it is like the older one gets,
the less they concentrate on the basics. They figure we're adults now,
we know we are going to get off, kissing is just some bull shit you have
to do to get to the get down. LET ME TELL YOU BOYS, most of the time
when you aren't gettin it, you didn't have it going on at the begining -
and what sometimes happens for yall that get through the cracks, it is
cause you're HOT or the girl NEEDED some real bad, because believe me,

TWINKIE: SAY IT SISTA!!! We should indeed maybe write a do's and
don'ts book for the boys. Sometimes, they fool ya start
kissing, and it's mind blowing, knee knocking good, almost to the point
where you feel they are scratching that spot like a dog has when their
back leg starts twitchin, and you think you are on for a good thing, and
then they start with the gross dirty talk!! Now, don't get me wrong on
this...a little nasty talk is okay with me...but I really don't want some
idiot screaming "Who's your Daddy" in my daddy is honestly the
last person that I want to think about in this moment, and if I'm
moaning and saying "oh god" this means that I do like the cock don't have to start questioning me about who's cock is the cock
I love, and so on, and so on...or when they start stating the obvious
about what's hard and what's wet, but they are screaming it like animals
that have never had any before...this makes me almost want to throw in
the towel...and with the exception of desperate times of drought, I have
thrown in the towel!! What would you put up with in these desperate
times?? Where do we draw the line???

ME: Nasty talk, hahahahahahha - now you know, that is too funny to me.
I can talk some talk now, but it just isn't as RAW as I would like to
get, hahahahah. Wouldn't that be funny if I said something so nasty
they got freaked out and turned off and there i sit, naked and
embarrassed, hahahahahah. For now I will stick to, harder, faster, yeah
baby, oh YEAH BABY, hahahahahah

TWINKIE: know though...this is a good point you bring
up!! What if we were to try and pull some o'crap they pull with
us...if the shoe was on the other would they react?? Like
say I woke up, and wanted some...and just started flapping my boobies at
him in his face while he slept?? Or in the middle of a romping session,
start yelling "Tell mommy what you like!!" Would this turn them
off...or with the boys, is Do they even care what is
happening, as long as they get to ride the ride??

ME: who can say my little Twinkie....who can say. I think though, we have given our readers plenty to ponder, hahahahahah.


More me later, tell me what you think