Wednesday, April 20, 2005

To be Married or NOT to be MARRIED

Why everybody gotta get married, why everybody gotta have children??? Who says that is the rule, the law, the way it should be?

I am 31 now and as the days go by, i am getting older, and to people all around me that might be a sad thing - a nice girl with no husband, no family. BUT I AM GOOD, i tell you, I AM EXACTLY WHERE I WANT TO BE. The thing about being in your 30's is the majority of your friends are married or getting married, people you work with are married, it is all around you - all i know is you start to notice getting UNITED is more the "norm", than not. The one thing about being single and being around married people is you get a first hand look, a taste, a feel, a REAL FUCKING WAKE UP CALL, to how it is. The things I know, the shit i get told - I know what your spouse is thinking, and i don't like it! I don't want to be STUCK in a relationship w/someone who doesn't want to be stuck with me. Sad, i said STUCK. Anyways, it really freaks me out, it makes me a little jaded about married life. I have seen perfectly GOOD people, married people - act UNMARRIED-LIKE, single if you will - so WHY be married? Can someone answer this?

WELL I have some thoughts. From what I have come across, the biggest problem I feel, is often people are SETTLING. People are settling, they are running scared thinking that being ALONE will be the death of them. IT WON'T BE! Another thing people are doing is RUSHING. They think this person that has brought back a sparkle in their eye is their savior, and they are destined for marriage because of it, because that is the THE HAPPY EVER AFTER ENDING people are looking for. DON'T DO THAT! There are even people who issue ULTIMATUMS. Giving you the old "either we get married or end it". WHY THE RUSH, what is wrong in taking some time getting to know eachother before getting married? What difference does a piece of paper really make - don't yall know that PAPER won't keep your spouse from cheating on you, it won't keep them from wishing they hadn't made such a drastic decision because they don't really know you, it won't keep them from feeling bitter about being forced into something they weren't ready for. WAIT! DON'T RUSH! Get to know who you are with, sometimes it takes more than 3 or 4 months - SHIT, sometimes it takes years to really know.

Why can't we just live together, why can't we just be committed w/out all that stress, Why can't we just live in sin? What is so bad, if you have chosen one person to be with, right? am i right? can i get an AMEN. I know alot of times religious beliefs are tied up in "having to be married" - well you know what MOST PEOPLE are running around dipping the dipping stick in all kinds of cool-aid before they decide on the right flavor. How not sinful is that? Just a question. ANYWAYS lets save the religious discussion for another day.

Children are another BIG issue for marriage - my words on that are - it shouldn't be. You shouldn't get married just because you are pregnent and you shouldn't get married just to get pregnent. I know, I know people are saying, well i want to have kids before my insides dry up, or before i get too old. Well i don't know everything, i know kids like things stable, if they started off w/a mom and a dad, or 2 dads, or 2 moms or whatever - their world, pretty much goes better if they could keep that the same throughout. I know this doesn't always happen, but it could happen more if the right choices are made. This is NO slam on single parents -remember i am talking to people who settle and rush, and don't think very well about the important stuff - when children are involved there is alot more to think about.

I guess what I am trying to say is two things - Marriage just doesn't seem to hold the same meaning as it once did, and people are making a mochary of it. The other thing is people think that they have to be married so they make poor choices getting there. That is what it boils down to, in my opionion, but i guess you already know it is my opinion - it is MY BLOG, hehe

To those of you in a GOOD Marriage/Committment - I applaud you!!!!! BUT I AIN'T TALKIN BOUT YOU, so CHILLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL!!!

more me later

more me later


Anonymous Rita said...

I guess I can agree with you on the marraige issue. I know a lot of married people, half of them wish they were single, but don't like to be alone; a quarter of them are actually happy and will probably make it; and the other quarter will probably end up divorced. It is sad but true... only marry if you are sure, and who is ever REALLY sure? (and I am MARRIED!!!)

9:17 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I like your writing.I am not married and won't be married any time soon.I love someone dearly and I'll wait.I wish you would send this to my other email address I looke at more

Love Sonya

9:41 AM  

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