Thursday, April 14, 2005

Under There

Well we all know what i am experiencing this week - so that leads me to the topic of underwear. Or panties as girly girls like to call them, hahah. Not that i am a manly girl, but for some reason panties is so cotton candy pink to me. SO UNDERWEAR...

Let me cover boys first - they have boxers or briefs (there are also bikini/thong/and boxer-brief things, but those aren't REALLY man-wear, are they?) and they either are clean or they are dirty - these are there choices for picking out daily wear. And i think they don't have ANY PROBLEM putting some dirty dirties on.

Girls on the other hand have several choices to make. I will definitely need lists...

1. UW options
a. brief - this can be a full grandmawesque panty from your belly button to your thigh or it can just cover everything you got which sometimes is from the belly button to the thigh
b. thong - there are too many options to name, but it is shaped in a V in the front and has some type of flossy thing that lays between your butt cheeks, it is kind of like a hip pirate patch for your girly part
c. bikini - which is pretty much like a bathing suit bikini bottom, it is kind of covering everything...just enough
d. boy-short - this is my fav, it covers all the right stuff, and still can look really sexy-cute, well that is what my distorted self-image thinks, this option can come in several forms also, tiny, hipster, v-cut, and regular (is regular a cut?)
e. girdleish-hellasupport - these are super duper tight UW that are necessary at times for "looking" like you are smaller than you are, they hurt and they squish jelly out all sides, making you wonder why you didn't get the full body girdlesupport fucker, no love for this type of UW
f. period - period UW are definitely an option - but you usually don't go out and buy these, you usually start w/an old brief, that when worn enough during periods time starts to stretch from the bloat and little slices of heaven that have to be crammed between your legs

***these are JUST the types of underwear there are, i didn't go into the style portion of this, which is silky, lacy, stretchy, rubbery, plastic, edible etc. there is alot to be said on the art of UW choice

2. Matching the appropriate UW according to the activity
a. work - something comfortable but not too loose - presentation is important
b. sports - something supportive
c. going out - depends if you plan on getting laid, then you would go w/something more sexy or barely there, but you also might go w/the girdlemonster because you want to appear thinner - alot of decisions to be made w/"out" undies
d. period - something grandmawish and comfortable or something you just aren't quite ready to throw out yet, they have a few more wears or one piece of elastic

3. Matching the UW to the outfit
a. with loose clothes - you should wear more supportive UW - to much loosy does not a lady make
b. tight clothes - PANTY LINES, i personally don't give a shit about this, i think someone once told me panty lines were sexy, and so here i am, panty lines and all, but to those that care there is always sexy pirate pu$$y patch, hahahahha - did i say that, for those that don't know me well, I HATE THAT WORD, see i couldn't even spell it, but it sounds good
c. transparent clothes - NO UW - the one time we don't have to make so many options but when the hell do we EVER where transparent clothes
d. i found another time when we don't have to wear UW - one word - CHAPS - ride this BYOCH

4. Color-coordination UW
a. to outfit, some people like to match the color to outfit, just in case something traumatic happens, like say a strip search, you won't look all mismatched and wacked out which leads to...
b. to bra, which is something i really try hard to accomplish, because my mamma told me too - match UW w/bra - it is only the RIGHT thing to do, i even feel all kinds of wrong when i fail to come through w/this very important detail
c. to fabric, if you are wearing something see through white and decide that your lime green UW w/polka dots will suffice - YOU ARE WRONG - that is slutty and tacky and no one wants to see shit like that

Well there is so much more to discuss here, but DAM i am tired, i didn't realize i was making so many fucking decisions in the morning, no wonder i can't get to work on time, or anywhere else for that matter. See guys we have perfectly good reason for taking so long to get ready - BUT hey i know some of yall to be prissy boys, who don't have to go through so much decision making as do we and yall still manage to spend some major time getting ready - well i didn't take into consideration that maybe jerk off time IS part of getting ready for you. Well let me save that for another day.

more me later


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