Wednesday, April 13, 2005

Bloody Hammer

Well today is WAY perfect for me to start my first BLOG EVER! I am in rare form, i think, well i know as of 15 minutes ago - i am having a "ladies day" - WHAT THA FA!!!?? Why do people make up stupid shit like - "Aunt Flo is in town," or you know "that time of the month" - there is nothing sweet about what is going on here, the flow of blood out the AREA is not the same as having my Tia (aunt) come in from out of town to visit - UNLESS, she will be ramming a hammer into my girly hole, twisting around my insides then pulling it out only to leave a sweet little blood puddle that i have to sit in till i decide to go change into something more comfortable like a cute little magic wand that goes up my you-know-what or a nice squishy piece of heaven that lays over and around and up and down and no air gets in and may cause sweating and itching pad.

Well that is a pretty picture i have painted - shall i continue - YES YOU SHALL - that is my alter ego, she comes out when i am ON MY PERIOD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

The thoughts and the feelings you feel during your period could really send you a) off the edge by way of jumping , b) in the crazy house strapped to a table, or c) in jail for killing your precious loved ones . I know EXTREME - BUT believe me, guys, whatever is happening in the body, w/blood flowing out and things ramming into your uterus, eggs falling, SHIT IS GOING ON IN HERE. That part of your brain that lets you see clearly or should i say normal to each individual, decides to take a mini vacation every month and leave you to fend for yourself. So when I feel like i am the FATTEST and the UGLIEST person alive - I REALLY AM!!! - it is not just a feeling - GOD has decided that every month such is my fate, who am i to argue w/the LORD, MR. Omniscient, all Powerful and loving OZ, i mean GOD - I question not - and besides it's only for 4-7 days. I AM STRONG - I AM SUPERGIRL

Worst things about PERIODS:
1. walking around w/a stain on your ASS
2. walking around w/a stain on your ASS and NO ONE TELLS YOU
3. OVERFLOW on your feminine products, on your clothes, on your sheets, on the kitchen table, couch, carpet, chairs, cat, lamp...
4. cramps
5. mood swings (especially right before period, and you don't realize what it is from, so you start to think you are losing your mind)
6. bloating so bad your underwear roll down
7. dirty sex (not that i know, but i heard)
8. people talking to you, looking at you, walking with you, touching you, being around you, hmmm....well PEOPLE
9. not having any feminine products or sweets around START TIME.

Best things about PERIODS:
1. you can get out of work
2. you can get out of errands
3. you can get out of sex
4. you can get out of a papsmear (the only time)
5. you can get away w/acting all kinds of crazy
6. sex in the shower (again, i don't know, but i heard)

I am fading fast - i can go no more, i think i am starting to leak on my jeans - i forgot my little piece of heaven at home.

more me later!

2 Comments:

Blogger EPSarah said...

YOU ARE THE FUNNIEST WOMAN....EVER!!!! I totally feel ya, ma!!!

2:37 PM  
Blogger PLAYMISTY4ME said...

Thanks sweet Sarah!!

6:21 AM  

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